"Dame Europas School".
TOP S O^JT O.
Belford Brothers, Publishers
Dame Europa's Remonstrance,
BY THE AUTHOR OF
"DAME EUROPA'S SCHOOL"
VILLAINY SOMEWHERE! WHOSE?
Why do they prate of the blessings of Peace? we have made them a curse,
Pickpockets, each hand lusting for all that is not its own.
Is it Peace or War? * * * loud war by land and by sea :
War with a thousand battles, and shaking a hundred thrones ! "
BELFOBD BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS,
60 YORK STREET.
Entered according to the Act of Parliament of the Dominion of Canada,
in the year one thousand eight hundred and seventy-seven, by
Belford Bros. , in the Office of the Minister of Agriculture.
Printed and Stereotyped by Bound by
The Globe Printing Company, Hunter, Rose & Co.,
In this year of grace, of advanced civilization, and
of ennobling Christianity, 1877, is commenced a war
I which threatens to be on the grandest scale, embroiling
7 therein nearly, if not all, the principal states of Europe.
3 These have, trained to arms more or less perfectly, the
somewhat " limited," " insignificant " number of nearly
Ten Millions of Soldiers, with power to draw upon
their populations to an unlimited extent to supply the
- losses sustained oy sickness, disease, and the havoc of
The mind fails to grasp all that this fact threatens.
Should this war become general (which most expect),
what scenes of slaughter, carnage, desecration, misery,
j woe, and brutalised death the world will be called upon
to witness it is impossible to foresee. The power for
destruction wielded by the reigning heads of Europe is
not likely sparingly to be exercised upon their peoples,
and it is, therefore, our imperative duty to lift up the
voice against so terrible a crime as is this war.
In this " Eemonstrance and Ultimatum " we enter
our protest ; and it is our conviction that it will
command the support of every right-minded citizen
throughout the British Dominions.
DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
My Dear Monitors,
It is with the most profound regret that I
find myself constrained once more to summon you. Our
last interview was on a subject of the deepest interest
to two of your number, and I have much cause to fear
that the wounds they suffered and the losses then sus-
tained, more especially by one of them, are not yet
healed nor recouped. Blood and treasure spilt, you
know, are like water thrown upon the ground, that
cannot be gathered up again.
But the reason for my summoning you on this
occasion is far more momentous in its interests, and
much more widely spread in its influences. As I look
over your respective gardens I see some in great dis-
order, and the earth turns up of a crimson dye ; all the
trees are shaking, and the leaves of many are gone; in
DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
others the flowers seem as if they scarcely dared open
their eyes to the noonday sun ; whilst in most, if not
in all, I witness a nervous jerkiness in the gardeners,
as if in dread of some terrible event about to happen,
or as if they were conscious of guilt, and expected
every breeze would waft to their side some stern
janitor, who, with the quickest of marches, would
safely put them in " the jug," or make their feet fast
in the stocks.
Seeing from my exalted position this unhappy
state of affairs, I have determined to show you your
gardens as they really are ; to impress upon you, indi-
vidually and collectively, your respective duties and
responsibilities in connection with them ; and lastly, in
case of failure to comply with my wishes, to lay before
you my positive and final commands.
And now, Victok, I will begin with you, so pray
In looking at your garden I am pleased to see that
it is more complete and consolidated than formerly ?
whilst it is also considerably enlarged. Time was when
you were content to dine off " sardines," but now you
must have your sunny slopes, and oranges and citrons
in your beautiful groves for dessert. To effect this, I
notice you have parted with a "Mce-Savo(r)y " portion
on the one side that you might obtain a much larger
field for the exercise of your curbing, pruning, and
grafting gardening powers on the other.
You have also largely increased the number of
AND HER ULTIMATUM.
pupils under your charge, for your children now num-
ber nearly twenty-eight millions, divided into sixteen
departments, under the control of your sub- monitors.
Your trading power is also increasing : the crumpled
dirty bits of paper that were shuffled about from hand
to hand amongst your pupils I am glad to see have now
some promise of being redeemed.
But there are still faults in your gardening — you
have nearly a million of your pupils with fisticuffs and
boxing gloves ready to fight — most of them unproduc-
tive, and destroying vastly more than they could ever
You have also lurking about in some dark recesses
very dangerous creatures — they levy black mail on all
alike, and perpetrate deeds of darkness and horror, alone
or in company, with the most unblushing effrontery.
Spare no cost to cleanse your garden from this foul
brigand-stain, which mars the beauty of your fair
In the lower part of your grounds I also notice a
great furnace, supplying and consuming its own coals,
and probably, at no distant date, it will suffer a fearful
and terrible collapse. You have done wisely in
abandoning it to its will, simply placing a spy upon its
actions to report every hissing commotion he may
In the centre of your garden stands a very aged
oak, knotted, gnarled, and here and there showing many
signs of decay. Time was when it was covered with
DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
glory ; every branch was long, strong, and full of sap
and life and energy from the root upwards, and under
it multitudes of rapacious creatures obtained shelter
from the heat and light of the noonday sun. But
now the branches are lopped, thinned, or cut close to
the parent stem ; the light of day has penetrated and
destroyed or dispersed multitudes of the hideous crea-
tures once under its shade. # Many of its strong roots
that struck deep, and stretched far and wide, and sprung
up through the earth with renewed energy, are snapped
asunder or loosened in the soil, and the tree itself I
see threatens, with the first fierce blasts that blow, to
topple and fall.
Be not alarmed about its condition — let it alone
and time will kill it. Do with it as you have done
with your furnace — let it have its swing and watch
it. Especially at the present juncture I say to you :
be on the alert, and prepare for storms ; the branches are
trying to stretch out beyond your domains, and to gather
new life from foreign sources. Let them gather what
little life they may — if you attempt to destroy you
martyrize, and in the fall this oak will commit fearful
havoc on all upon whom it may fall ; if you prop
up you remove just grounds for outcry and whining,
and the loss of natural forces will be your ultimate
friend and saviour from this foe.
William and Joseph are inviting you to take sides
with them against two or three of your brother monitors —
pause long ere you consent. Your garden is but young ;
AND HER ULTIMATUM.
you have already burdened it with as much as it can
bear ; if you enter into the fight it will be at an enor-
mous cost. You have much to lose, little to gain, and
the whole cast upon the chances of battle. Take my
advice, friend Victor, help to maintain peace ; but
at all risks keep out of the strife. Immediately you
declare for a part in the fight, the old decaying oak will
gather life and try to overgrow your garden, and take
away from you the responsibility of the monitorship.
Joseph, I have a word for you — you also can stand
up to hear me.
Your garden, I see, has suffered — a lovely portion
in the south of it, with four large toolhouses, is gone
from your charge, and I note that the borders of your
eastern flower beds are tremulous, as if a cutting east
wind were marching rapidly towards them.
If the storm come, what is your capacity to
stand against it ? Your pupils number about 38,000,000,
occupying eighteen beds in your garden — the flowers
are very diverse : some native to the soil ; others, exotic
and compelled by force to be acclimatized. To a very
great extent your sway is divided — laws for one part
are not accepted in another, and your many • classes
are bound together by very loose bonds.
You have formed, I note, a strong band of fighting
pupils numbering more than a million — these help to
keep your garden in tolerable order ; but you have still
many plants of dangerous growth in your midst : the
Hungarian root, the Croatian nettle, the Polish worm-
10 DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
wood, the Bohemian gipsy- wort, the Galician thorn, and
You see your neighbour Aleck is picking a quarrel
with your neighbour Mahmoud, and as he cannot well
reach to strike him across the pond lying between them,
he desires to cross over a part of your garden. This
is very distasteful to your pupils, and it will require all
your wisdom and coolness of judgment to decide whether
to permit or to refuse his request. If you permit, you
alienate your people, you offend Mahmoud and William
— if you refuse, you annoy Aleck, and possibly he
will seek to cross in spite of you ; if he succeed, he
will claim that part of your garden in future as his.
Beware ! seek to strengthen your hands by union* with
some of your brother monitors, and so be equal to all
And now, William, I would speak to you.
You, I see, still wait on Providence, and, like Mr.
Micawber, are hoping that " something will turn up."
Smark, your head gardener, still says to you : " Shut your
mouth and save your life." Good counsel truly, but
not always safe to follow.
Your garden, too, has greatly improved in appear-
ance and extent. You have been cultivating it .with "All-
sauce" and "Norain," and your vegetables and flowers
have thriven wonderfully. You have broken down
the hedges, too, that formerly made such extremely
awkward landmarks, and by the help of your landwehr
and your landsturm you have, I see, brought your
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 11
forty-three millions to accept your strong guardianship.
You must, however, bear in mind that it is the force of
fisticuffs that has brought twenty-six states under your
control : there are mighty volcanic energies, smoulder-
ing and latent, beneath the surface of your garden,
waiting only for the sunshine of a favourable juncture of
circumstances to burst forth into flame.
But you say, these are matters you leave to Moke
and his boys. It is a source of deep sorrow to me that
you cannot keep your garden beds and borders in order
except by putting sharp-pointed needles into the hands
of nearly two millions and a half of them. This is a
fearful drain upon your soil, a standing dread to your
neighbours, and to the peaceful occupations of all my
Now I give you my counsel, as Aleck and Mahmoud
have commenced the fight : reserve your forces to separate
the combatants at the proper time. As they will fight,
look on and see fair play, but do not permit the one utterly
to crush the other. At the opportune moment step for-
ward and boldly declare, " It is enough ! " Do not
complicate your own position by ill-chosen alliances, nor
provoke the ire of Louis by ill-advised speeches and
open declaration of your suspicions and jealousy of his
improved condition. If you do give him a box on the
ear, depend upon it he will pounce upon you, tiger-like,
and will not relinquish his hold till one or the other is
exhausted. He will not be so easy a prey as when I
last summoned you. He is burning secretly under a
12 DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
bitter sense of his crushing defeat, and he is now better
prepared for conflict than ever he was before. Let
wariness mark your footsteps, and caution ever rest
upon your lips.
As long as you keep out of the fight you are safe ;
immediately you take part therein I will not attempt
to foretell the result.
Louis, pray stand, and accept my sympathy for you
in your bereavement.
I observe with sorrow you have lost a very
valuable and productive part of your garden, which
William seized, and which, it is certain, by the
gardening operations he immediately carried out, he is
determined to keep. But you placed the lovely fruits
therein in the war-scales with William, and they
"kicked the beam."
I cannot help noticing further the plainness of your
attire. All your fellow-monitors have very rich and
gorgeous caps, upon which they pride themselves above
all as their chief ornament ; but you come bare-headed,
and that which is their glory you trample under foot.
But it is still in existence, and I shall not be surprised,
when I next summon you, to see your cap restored to
its usual position.
I am glad to see your late losses have awakened
you to the need for deeper cultivation of your ground
and the cleansing it of the weeds and rubbish lying in all
quarters. It is now in much better trim everywhere,
and your thirty-six millions of pupils are doing their
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 13
best to atone for the errors of the past. In the eighty-
seven departments into which you have divided your
garden I am pleased to note that all, or nearly all, of your
pupils speak one language, so that there is little chance
of jealousy of race stirring up strife among them ; but
the question "Who shall be your chief monitor?" is
coming rapidly to the fore. In days gone by you had
"Leon I." and "Leon III." strongly caged in your chief
summer-house; now you have a "Jackdaw" keeping
the lair warm for "Leon IV.," who is quietly taking a
" Nap" the while with one eye open, and will spring the
mine immediately the ground is ready. He will sow it
with blood and tears if need be, having already passed
through his "Baptism of Fire."
Louis, what are your capacities to stand the shock
of battle, or to take part in the present fight ? In your
garden you have nearly 2,000,000 of boys, with chasse-
pot and other sharp-pointed implements in their hands
to keep the ground and the borders clean, and to
frighten away all wild animals ; to prepare food for
worms your chaffcutters also are at the highest point of
perfection. This necessitates an immense drain upon
the fructifying power of your land, and inflicts grievous
punishment upon your boys.
Sometimes dry, hot seasons parch up your ground,
and you cry for rh(a)ine ; but that will not come at the
cry. The cost of indulging hopes not likely to be
realized infinitely outweighs the joys of possession.
Abandon " the cry for rh(a)ine " is my advice, and cool
14 DAME ElIEOPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
your ground from the channels and waterways that are
running through your garden.
Your distant neighbour Aleck is coaxing you to
help him against your nearer neighbour Mahmoud;
what material interest have you in the fight ? You
have nothing at stake whilst looking on ; you will have
everything at stake if you become an active partisan.
Your neighbour William is sure to take the opposite
side to you, and then how will you act with two or more
combatants at one and the same time ? Moke has
just now thrown a firebrand across your borders : it was
ill-advised and unkind, but you have received worse
treatment from this man of blood and iron. Put your
foot upon the brand and crush it ; show him you can
bide your time, and will not be provoked to fight until
you know you are a fully equal match for him. Your
pupils are one, and willingly obey you. William's sit
under one gorgeous hat, but many of his pupils would
gladly tear it to shreds, and willingly labour to restore
the old landmarks.
At present your home matters demand all your
care and attention. Strive above all to consolidate your
power and strength, and when next you take a positive
and active part in the counsels of my school let it be
with a manliness and might which able and consolidated
moral and physical forces alone can give.
Well, Aleck, I see you have stood up unbidden.
You wear a big, burly, blustering aspect just now, but
beware ! Not for the first time have you trumpeted
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 15
forth your glory, but on the last occasion it was sunk in
" so-vast-a-pool " that the trumpet has ever since been
What do you want ?
Why have you fastened this quarrel upon Mahmoud ?
Your garden already is too vast for your proper
cultivation and keeping in order. It is larger than all
the other gardens in my domains put together, and the
number of your pupils exceeds eighty millions ; and yet
in large tracts of the garden you can only average three
boys to four English square miles of space. Large beds
in your grounds have never borne a single fruit nor felt
the foot of a single pupil, and yet you are not content !
You have divided your land into no less than eighty
deputy gardenerships, the pupils of which are of very
opposite natures and talk many different tongues,
and still you suffer from kleptomania.
But I see what you want : you covet Mahmoud's
summer-house and the lovely lake whereon he sails his
boats, and you do not care one straw how much you
make him suffer so that you can gain your ends.
Scattered through your grounds I see no less than one
and a half millions of pupils living as birds of prey, scent-
ing blood afar off, and swooping onwards in terrible array
to pounce upon their victim. This is not the first time
you have done this, and with a relentless, pitiless
vengeance have you flung your cat-o'-ninety-and-nine
tails over the bare bodies of your defenceless foes. No
worse cruelties have ever been committed by any of my
16 DAME EUROPA't REMONSTRANCE,
monitors than have been committed by you, and still
you now, with an affectation of oily meekness, claim to
stand up for "oppressed nationalities!" For you I
fear " Truth does not only lie in the column " but it
"lies on the lips."
"Oppressed Nationalities " forsooth ! Cursed hy-
pocrisy is this claim from your throat. Your own
rule is the rule of the despot ; your people have no
voice, nor the shadow of a voice, in making the laws
that govern them ; repression, oppression, depression
mark your sway ; your people must crouch to your
will in all matters, foreign or domestic ; have no re-
presentation with the Government in any form ; and
so utterly and absolutely are all your pupils at the
mercy of your bureaucracy, otherwise'at your will,
Aleck, that two of your pupils, elevated a little in in-
telligence above the common herd, were actually, in
1877, "suspended for a month " for simply whispering
to their hearers that " The entire Russian army is be-
ing mobilized !"*
This gives but a faint idea of the tyrannic despo-
tism with which you, Aleck, crush your pupils. They
dare not think nor speak nor act as intelligent beings
having mental life as active as your own, and aspira-
tions as noble and as generous. The foul prison-
house, the sword, the knout, the mine, the fiercely
bitter blasts of an iceberg-home surround them, and
are the household gods you compel your children to
* Vide the Times, April 26th.
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 17
worship and to fear, and they tamely submit, with
only here and there the smallest scintillation of light
breaking the death-like aspect of your rule and giving
some faint hope for future freedom.
Were I in your garden I would labour night and
day until this foul despotism were uprooted, and the
hour had come when your pupils had a share in their
government with you.
Under the plea of Christian sympathy for the
Christian pupils of Mahmoud you have once more
made the "Christian" question the cause of quarrel
with him, in order that your dark and ulterior designs
upon his garden may the more easily be accom-
plished. You have looked at "the mote in your
brother's eye," and have forgotten "the beam that is
in your own !"
Look at all the dark pictures in your past career !
Kecall Siberia and its mines, its vast expanse of ever-
enduring snow; its wild, rugged, unfruitful, rocky
wastes, yielding little but the native fur of the small,
wild creatures that burrow or build in these inhos-
pitable regions ; forget not the myriads whom you
have deported from homes of luxury and comfort,
social and domestic, to linger, and wither, and die in
their misery and desolation and woe, from the highest
to the lowest grades of your pupils, because they
Does not the bitter wail of Poland still ring in
your ears ? or are they shut to every sound of mortal
DAME EUROJA'S REMONSTRANCE,
Under the garb of friendship, jour proffered
help to Poland was accepted ; with traitorous malice
you placed your foot on the neck of your " helpless
friend!" Going back no further than 1861, what is
the verdict of history, Aleck, upon your treatment of
a patriotic race ? Let the verdict speak its burning
words : " In 1861 another insurrection broke out — its
origin is curious : a large number assembled in the
neighbourhood of the battlefield of Grochow (where
two battles had been fought in 1831), to pray for the
souls of those who then fell ; they were engaged in
prayer and in singing religious chants when the Eus-
sian cavalry and gensdarmes charged, killed many, and
made numerous arrests. This excited intense national
feeling. Other denominations were visited with like
massacres, until nearly the whole of the Poles in the
service of Eussia resigned or deserted. The Kussians
immediately had recourse to the most severely re-
pressive measures, forbidding all assemblages, even
in the churches, punishing those who appeared to
mourn the death of relatives killed in the previous
massacres, or who wore garments of certain shapes
or colours. . . The sympathy of Europe was largely
enlisted on behalf of the Poles. Eemonstrances
from Spain, Sweden, Austria, France, Britain, con-
jointly and repeatedly, Italy, the Low Countries,
Denmark, Portugal, were wholly disregarded by
the Czar's Ministers ; incendiarism and murder
reigned rampant ; the wealthier Poles ruined by
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 19
fines and confiscation ; and whole populations of
villages put to the sword by the Russians. In
1864 the Czar's troops succeeded in tram'pling
out the last embers of insurrection. Great num-
bers of men, women, and even children were exe-
cuted ; crowds were transported to Siberia, and ' these
horrible and wicked cruelties ' seem to have restored
tranquillity, but it is the tranquillity of the desert."
And this, Aleck, is thy deliverance of " Oppressed
Nationalities ! "
After these and other scenes are scanned, where
is the .purity of your own hands to be found ?
Kelentless, rapacious, revengeful, resolute, no
streams of blood, no pitiless cries for mercy, no heaps
of ghastly corses have stopped you for one moment
in pressing on, sooner or later, to the goal of your
ambition; foiled, turned aside, and again foiled, you
have again re-started on your career and little count-
ed the cost, the life, the suffering, the agony that
marked your onward march.
And now what do we witness ? Your garden in
fierce commotion — the sirocco of the war-cry is sweep-
ing in mad and burning blasts over your pupils, and
I see them falling, mangled, torn, and ghastly, in
You have now flung down your gage of battle in
the holy name of Christianity, and you claim to be
the protector and shield of Mahmoud's Christian
pupils. Are those high and holy motives the true
20 DAME EURO PA'S REMONSTRANCE,
motives that animate you ? Are there no other ob-
jects after which your hands are outstretched under
this plea ? Are not these claims the clouds of dust
with which you seek to fill my school in order that
you may accomplish your hidden designs upon Mah-
moud's summer-house ? When coquetting with your
brother monitors, the honour of your aims was loudly
vaunted, and the absence of all desire for any sugar-
plums was plainly stated ; but now the sugar-plums
are veiled, the ulterior objects hidden. But from your
past career I am all the more jealous. Be sure of this :
I will not permit the utter spoliation of Mahmoud's
grounds, nor suffer you to extend your garden any
further in the west. My monitors, combinedly, will
resist your encroachments foot by foot and inch by
inch if you attempt appropriation of his garden.
With my monitors in council will I decide what shall
be done with Mahmoud if you should succeed in
bringing him to your feet.
John, bring Mahmoud before me.
Mahmoud, ever constant in wrong, a wicked, per-
verse, bigoted, blind obstinacy has ever characterised
thee. Thou art an intruder into my domains — com-
ing unasked, thou didst steal thy present grounds, and
plantedst thy foot on the soil where now it stands.
Ever since thy intrusion I have had more trouble with
thee than with all my other monitors together. As a
firebrand among the wheat, so hast thou been in my
fields, and it has only been by incessant watchful-
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 21
ness I have thus far been able to prevent thy final
expulsion from my borders.
For a long period now I have warned, cautioned,
chastised, and advised thee and thy many millions
for good. With the best of counsel, with abundance of
treasure, with hecatombs of warriors slain at thy doors
have I defended thee, and all in vain! Crime on
crime, atrocity on atrocity, wholesale massacre on
massacre of thy unoffending and defenceless children
are written across thy forehead, and thou wearest the
indictment with pride and contemnest thine accusers.
The hour of thy trial is come, and I withdraw from
thy defence. Hand to hand, bayonet point to bayonet
point, bullet to bullet, thou must . stand or fall in my
school as thy power and success or failure shall decide.
I cannot permit thy fellow-monitors to interfere at
present in the strife. I commit thee and Aleck to the
chances of war, and may God defend the right !
John, for ages past you have been my chief moni-
tor. Limited in area as your garden is in comparison
with your fellow-monitors', yet the honest truthful-
ness of your character, and the high principles by
which you are guided, make you my right hand in the
government of my school. Separated by a strip of
the sea, and planted like the noblest gem in a circlet
of diamonds, your counsels have ever been on behalf
of the oppressed, and your labours unceasingly ex-
ercised in forcing on the progress of humanity, and
securing the best interests of mankind.
22 DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
Your garden gives employment in my domains
to 33,000,000 pupils, but your orders are given for the
guidance of no less a number in the total than about
235,000,000 of pupils. Wise, benignant, and emi-
nently fitted for the work of government as I see your
race to be, I am also glad to state my satisfaction at
your being able to keep your grounds in order in
my domains by considerably less than a quarter of a
million of boys.
You are fully aware that, for a great while past,
my monitors have been in a state of mutiny, and of
late Aleck has been struggling hard to put Mahmoud's
eye out, or to blacken it severely. Skirmishes have
been going on between the latter and some of his
head boys, and the sponge and water have been pretty
freely used, but now the two great gladiators have
come to enact their parts more forcibly in the great
drama now placed upon the stage of the world, and all
my pupils stand, with bated breath, to witness the
But I have a special word for your private ear —
have you done your duty to your fellow-monitors ?
Quarrels do not come instantly to their crises, but
there is always a progressive march ; an early, wise,
and opportune intervention bindeth fast friends ; a
late interference increaseth the strife.
Was there, at no time, an opportunity presented
to you when you might have intervened with advan-
tage, and made Aleck and Mahmoud very friends ?
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 23
If I mistake not, a choice Andrassy cake was sent to
you, but you returned it untasted because no wine ac-
companied the gift. You said you could not eat cake
without you had the wine too, and so the cake was
spoiled before it got home again. Then, again, you
had a present of a Berlin sausage, sent with great
formality, but this, you said, so stunk in your nostrils,
that you kicked it out of doors faster than it came in.
Now, in both these cases you committed grave error —
you treated monitors Joseph and William somewhat
rudely, and refused to send them any of your plum
pudding in acknowledgment of their kindness.
Now, what should have been your course ? You
see, the quarrel was between Aleck and Mahmoucl,
because the latter was treating very badly in his
garden some pupils who were proteges of Aleck's, and
he refused to pay any attention to Aleck's request
for kinder treatment. All your brother monitors con-
demned Mahmoud ; in your secret heart you con-
demned him too, but you feared that some of your
interests would suffer if you openly condemned him,
so you patted him on the back and sent your pleasure
boats into his Bay of " Besique." 'Twas wilily done,
but it was an electioneering dodge that exploded into
" protection of Christians" when probed with the
needle of inquiry.
Had you joined on either of these occasions with
William, Joseph, Victor, and Aleck, and conjointly
said to Mahmoud, " We cannot, and we will not permit
24 DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
this treatment of your Christian pupils any longer to
continue ; we will take them under our protection, and,
whilst leaving them to your general control as their
schoolmaster, we will place one of our sub-monitors
in each of your flower-beds adjoining ours, so as to
see that you do fully perform your engagements,"
then Mahmoud, calling for his pipe, would have
retired into his harem, saying luxuriously, " Brother
Monitors, do as you will — I am content ;" but the
favourable opportunities passed never to return, and
the Turkey-cock chuckled, spread abroad his wings,
opened wide his tail and turned it towards Aleck — he
was not to be so easily "Ignetted" and "Shovelled-
off " the stage.
But Aleck's ire was up. He called a meeting of
all the monitors except Mahmoud, and you " buried
your salt" (salis-burj) in the Bosphorus. The geese
cackled, but the egg was " addle ;" the Turkey was
a game-cock, and would not sit on eggs. You then
baited him with " proto-coals " (evidently a new
description of World's-end), but the Turkey said they
could not be made hot enough to roast him, so the
bait was bottled in smoke.
Having sacrificed your glorious opportunities for
doing real and splendid service (for Mahmoud would
not have dared to resist your combined pressure),
you have now to stand aside and look on, having
made bitter enemies of both combatants, as is usually
the case when unwise interference is offered, and
offered in vain.
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 25
John, there was a time in your career when I re-
member the first class of your sub-monitors was
known as " the government of ALL the talents." The day
has now dawned upon you when the verdict of history
will describe your present first class, on all foreign
questions, with a " beacon-in-the-field," as "The
One-Talented Ministry of Europe!"
And now, my Monitors and Heads of my School,
I desire to address you with the utmost gravity ; and I
would Remonstrate with you from the deepest recesses
of my inmost soul, in order to prevent, if possible, the
dread and dismal scenes I see looming in the near
horizon. And I would base my Eemonstrance with
you on —
I. — The score of the Cost. It is impossible for you,
my monitors, to engage in battle, singly or conjointly,
without entailing upon yourselves, more or less, utter
and absolute misery, if not complete ruin. Each of you,
I know, speaks feelingly when you take your crumpled
bits of dirty paper in your fingers and say, in three
cases out of five, that they make false statements on the
face of them as to their worth. You know how cruel
and bitter the burdens are you lay upon your pupils,
and with what difficulties they are met; and you,
Aleck and Mahmoud, know well that your credit in
my domains is well nigh gone. Even at a Jewish in-
terest it is difficult for you to " raise the wind." You
cannot fight except at an enormous, ruinous rate of
26 DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
interest, and you have no resources whence to meet
the charge except from the blood and sinews of your
subjects. Were the people wise they would rise
against you, and refuse to be hoodwinked by you as
to this being a " holy and religious war." It is neither
more nor less than a war for conquest, under the plea
of the holiest of names.
II. — On the score of Humanity I must remonstrate
with you. Why should your pupils fight and not you ?
Why should they be driven like galley slaves to the
cannon's mouth, for matters in which they take but
little interest, and you stay at home at ease ?
Why should the glorious image of God, in the
face of man, be defaced, brutalised, torn, butchered,
blown to atoms, and the souls of hundreds of thou-
sands hurried into eternity, because a half dozen of
the head monitors of my school cannot quite agree on
two or three points ?
Why should thousands and many tens of thou-
sands of women be made widows, and children father-
less, because Mahmoud says "I won't," and Aleck says
John, do you not feel an awful responsibility rest-
ing upon you when you know that you might have
stopped all this, if you had yourself given the wine to
the Andrassy cake, or the mustard to the Berlin
sausage ? And how will you reckon with your
pupils before this fight shall be over ?
III. — Civilization cries aloud against this Fearful
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 27
Crime. The mind of man lias been progressing through
the ages to the present highest standard of intellect
and moral grandeur the world has yet seen. Science,
the arts, the mechanical inventions, national wealth,
the welfare of peoples, active benevolence, the care
for life, the thrilling horror that passes through a
nation when five of its children lie entombed in
the bowels of the earth — all have reached in our
day the highest point of excellence and sub-
limity ever yet attained, and for what ? Is it not
a burlesque upon all this grandeur and civiliza-
tion to know that some of the greatest inventive minds
of our age are not directed so much to what shall
promote the well-being of nations and peoples, and
the material prosperity of the world, as to the dis-
covery of the most certain and destructive implements
of war, and the quickest and surest means for destroy-
ing the greatest number in the smallest space of time ?
Alas, alas, for poor humanity ! It must be so as
long as the interests and wills of governors are separate
and distinct from the interests and wills of the governed.
Evidently the day has not yet dawned when "the wolf
will lie down with the kid," nor the hour burst upon
the world when the simple process of ' ' beating the
sword into the ploughshare " shall be heard in the
shanty of the smith. All civilization teaches peace.
All the practice of the nations goes back to the darkest
and most barbaric ages, when will was law, and brute
force the ruling power that governed the world. With
28 DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
the one hand everything is done that is possible to
preserve life and to beautify it, whilst with the other
the scimitar is at the throat and the poignard at the
heart, and kings and emperors will to have it so.
IV. Because the religion of Jesus Christ, which is
destined to become the ruling principle of the world, is
a Religion of Peace. It is not the word of the lip that
rolls smoothly and glibly off the tongue, volumed out to
the world as a great balloon to be gazed at with wonder
by an astonished race, but it is the one absorbing, living,
practical principle that guides the life and rules the
conduct of all whom Christianity truly governs.
That man, or king, or emperor, or nation loses all
right to Christianity who uses the name as a cloak
with which to hide and cover his wicked aims.
The religion of Jesus Christ says, " Put up thy
sword into its place, for he that taketh the sword shall
perish with the sword ;" and never will Religion with-
draw it from the scabbard except in cases of systematic
desecration of hearth and home. That desecration has
been undoubtedly inflicted by Mahmoud on his Chris-
tian population, — they bore that desecration as long
as even the Christian mind could endure it, and they
rose not in arms until no other refuge was left them
from death, and from what was worse than death.
Our place, our true position, was at the side of
these suffering people. We should not have waited
for hypocritical Eussia. When the tocsin of the
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 29
oppressed was heard pealing in our ears, our hearts
should have sprung — in fact, they did spring — to the
rescue. But our "beacon-in-the-field " became an
Ignis fatuus, and the only voice that controlled was
the voice of the " Dizzy Sphinx."
Our place is taken by a semi-barbarous race — the
heart of Aleck's soldiers beats in sympathy with the
oppressed Christian people, let the designs of his
rulers be what they may, and it is left to us to stand
aside and wait and watch to see what deliverance and
succour shall come to the oppressed and down-
trodden under Mahmoud's despotic and cruel rule.
And now, my Monitors, the hour has come when
it is my imperative duty to lay my commands upon you,
and to state my Ultimatum in the present crisis. As
you see, Aleck and Mahmoud are stripped and standing,
toe to toe, glaring savagely at each other for the chance
of giving the first deadly blow. Vast interests are at
stake, and the chances of battle are uncertain. If it
shall happen that Mahmoud falls prostrate at the feet
of Aleck, it is my will that you, my other Monitors, who
are now only spectators of the fight, shall intervene and
save his life, placing before him —
1. The absolute deliverance of his Christian pupils
from any further control by his Mussulman children ;
their complete enjoyment of civil and religious liberty,
without let or hindrance ; and the yielding up of the
30 DAME EUROPA'S REMONSTRANCE,
crushed flower-beds of Bosnia, Servia, Montenegro,
and Bulgaria to your combined surveillance and con-
trol; or —
2. Failing to assent to these terms, that then you
shall unite to effect his final and complete expatria-
tion from my soil, and the placing his present garden
under combined rule for the benefit of the pupils them-
selves, and not for the benefit of any particular State.
Aleck said he is entering into this fight, having
washed his hands from desire for increased garden
ground. You must help him to keep his hands clean
in this respect, and you must refuse, on any terms, per-
mission to his gaining an inch of territory. Forget
not that he entered Poland with a similar plea ; but
once within her borders as a friend, he refused to leave,
and remained till he strangled her liberties, crushed
her honour, banished or cruelly slaughtered her noble
sons, and trampled her under his feet.
I grieve to say, you, William and Joseph, helped
him in that foul work, but in the future events that must
come I lay my commands upon you, and in so doing I
am consulting your own best interests: you must not
permit him to possess a foot of soil more in my
dominions; and if you, with John, Louis, and Victor, agree
sternly and resolutely to enforce your commands upon
either or upon both the combatants, neither the one nor
the other will dare to disobey.
AND HER ULTIMATUM. 31
But should Mahmoud win, what then ? First —
Aleck must pay the costs and retire to his garden as
before, whilst Mahmoud must just the same unreservedly
yield himself to your commands.
It is impossible for me, whether he be victor or
-wnquished, any longer to permit him to manage his
grounds as before, and to continue to be a standing
menace to the peace of my dominions. His rule in
future, if he remain in my school, shall be just, moderate
and equal to all his pupils.
What did T hear you say, John, that that is im-
possible ! — his nature, his habits, his so-called religion
prevent the possibility of this ! If this be true, then let
him be expelled. I will not suffer any monitor to
continue under my control unless he lives in harmony
with you all. It is impossible for me to maintain good
order in my school without discipline ; and if one of you
be found wholly and utterly incorrigible, then I will
claim your votes, as his brother monitors, to eject him
from your midst, and thus to restore that perfect union
which is so desirable and so necessary to the moral
and material prosperity of the human race.
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